Awaiting Meaning

We have an instinctual need to make meaning out of difficult circumstances. So what happens when we find ourselves in a whirlwind and lose our sense of direction?

The last 6 months have been a sort of unraveling for me. I’ve craved a simplistic narrative about this season to make sense of it all. I want a clearly defined purpose to console myself or rattle off, but I know now is not time for analysis. It’s time to wait, to abide in Hope, to rest, to trust. 

Margaret Atwood shared a similar idea in Alias Grace:

When you are in the middle of a story it isn’t a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood; like a house in a whirlwind, or else a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard powerless to stop it. It’s only afterwards that it becomes anything like a story at all. When you are telling, to yourself or to someone else.

I’m not out of the whirlwind yet, haven’t reached the other shore. I am, thankfully, becoming more steady and rediscovering unburdened joy. The meaning of this season will sometime emerge and become be a crux in my life narrative. Someday, I’ll have a story to tell of heartbreak, change, and His grace through this all. Still, amid the unknown, I will hope continually and praise my Savior yet more and more, because my Father is generous, kind, and faithful.

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A Musing RePerson

I am a follower of Jesus who loves learning, hearing people's stories, and extending grace. I also struggle deeply with issues that are stigmatized (mental health, and gender/sexual identity, and chronic pain). I write to be a voice for those who have been similarly isolated.

2 thoughts on “Awaiting Meaning”

  1. That is such a profound, beautiful quote. Wow. This post is so insightful and real. Being in the story can stink. I can’t wait for the day when you’re able to tell it, but in the meantime, I’ll pray that God will ring out all the goodness in the pain and that you find extra strength today. I love you.

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