“I’ve had a good day,” I told a friend.
“You know what? I have too. I’m not really sure why today, but thank you, Jesus!”
The conversation got me thinking about my tendency to default to feeling false guilt and shame for experiencing mental illness. Yes, I am absolutely responsible for to make wise choices, but sometimes there’s nothing I do that causes a good day. When I don’t do anything differently but wake up without a sense of dread or deep heaviness, I relish the day as grace.
Here’s the thing: if I don’t always get credit for these surprise-good-days that are full of life and color, then maybe I shouldn’t automatically assume full blame for heavy, dark days either.
I am a 20-something disciple of Jesus Christ trying to walk faithfully with Him. No matter how many times I fail (and believe me, there have been plenty), STILL Jesus is faithful. He has redeemed me, and my identity is now found in Him. He cannot deny Himself. This is my hope, the reason that I live. I pray that my life will sing of His grace.
Why am I writing this blog? I struggle with issues infrequently addressed first-hand in the Church. I am writing this as I believe myself to be in a fairly unique position which gives me the responsibility of being a voice. I write to be a voice for those isolated with similar pain and so that others might better understand and love. Honestly this is daunting and a little scary for me, but I pray that God will use this to bring difficult issues into the light and that it might be a source of comfort.
Here are some topics that I plan to address:
Jesus Christ. He is my Savior and Lord. He is the reason that I live.
The Church. As broken as it may be, it is the community that Jesus left on earth to represent Him. Yes, I have been deeply wounded by people in the Church, but I truly believe that Jesus is at work in and through His Body locally and globally.
My struggles in the context of faith. Mental health: depression, anxiety, depersonalization/derealization (DP/DR). Gender and sexuality. How then shall I live?
Music. I am a musician and as such, music inevitably influences my thought and writing because much of my experience involves music.
Bible. I have grown to love the Word of God and am learning to study it faithfully.
The joy of serving the marginalized. I delight in building relationships with the elderly. I love getting to care for all types of people who are often overlooked.
I invite you to join with me as I learn to live faithfully to the Faithful One